Some thoughts about "the question"

With the arrival of the holiday season, many of us will face "the question." (I wonder how many times I answer it in a year. I might start keeping count.) You know the question. It's more or less the same every time -- So... is there anyone special in your life? Parents, friends, relatives, people, old and young are sure to flock around you and ask.

There's a lot of reasons for asking. No one likes to be the last to know things like that. I always hope for a good story. With my good friends, I want to make sure that they aren't trying to make tough decisions and needing my support. Or if they need teased to death, I'd be there for them too.

But people have a hard time reacting when you tell them that there isn't anyone. Sometimes they start dishing out advice. I frequently get told to be more friendly. This week I learned that touching someone's arm for at least three seconds, and making eye contact is a direct and appropriate flirting technique. I've been reasssured that if I liked girls and not guys that would be okay. My boss would always say, "Good. You focus on school. You don't need a guy." Sometimes people quickly change the subject. Or one can always be incredulous and say something charming like, "Wow. There are a lot of stupid guys out there. " There's quite a range of responses.

The thing that I hate about "the question" is the underlying assumption that if there were someone, it would bring all this happiness. I guess that's true to a degree. Good relationships are a good thing. But they're not what I want to hope in.

I know that sometimes I ask because I think that my friend would be happier, and more fulfilled if there were someone. And when there's not, I ask about their job, or something else that maybe will make life better. That's where I go wrong.

My hope is in God, not a relationship, good or bad. He is the only thing that is not going to let me down. It's true for my friends too. As much as I want to see some of them happily married, that's not what's going to make their lives complete. And neither is travel or a better job or more friends. I think that's one of the problems with "the question" is that sometimes when I ask, I am hoping in a relationship to make my friends see how wonderful they are and to make them happy. I'm hoping in a lie.

I am still going to shamelessly ask "the question." I want to know what's going on in people's lives. While I ask though, I'm going to remember that it's not where I put my hope. When I answer that question, I don't have to pretend that guys equal disease, or that I'm really sad and longing for someone to save me. My hope is in God. I want to reflect that in my answer, or I want to make up a really great, really exaggerated story about meeting someone, and kissing in the rain, and then running away to Paris to elope.

Trusting

Trust is a lesson that I learn all the time.

Sometimes I replay things over and over, trying to make them better. I think this may be called worrying. I think the Bible may say not to do it.

Earlier this week, I found myself doing just that: playing a situation over and over and over in my head, analyzing it, trying to decide if the problem was me or someone else, trying to figure out where things had gone wrong, trying to figure out how to make myself different.

And then Someone made me think, Maybe I should just stop. Maybe the way I acted was totally wrong and shows my complete social ineptness, but I can trust God. If I need to change, He is faithful to show and help me. If the problem is someone else, He is faithful to protect me.

I want to live in that freedom.