Seeing

I never remember names the first time. The odds of my actually paying enough attention to the person I'm meeting and not focusing on what they will think of me, are low. And introductions aren't the only times this happens.

I think about myself a lot, making me a painfully self-conscious person, sometimes paralyzed. I say I want to beat the shyness, but when push comes to shove, I make excuses and wait for someone to talk to me first.

Tonight that's what church was about. "See," was the word the pastor used to sum up the message. He talked about Jesus (imagine that) and Zaccheus. Jesus saw Zaccheus and communicated worth to him. We're supposed to be like Jesus.

But we can't if we find ourselves, like me, only thinking about ourselves. I don't see others when I'm worrying about what they think of me. I can't communicate God's love for others if I am not willing to risk myself.

A huge component of that is being secure in God. I have to know that my worth is in what He thinks of me, not my appearance or accomplishments. I don't remember that always.

And then I have to live it, taking the risks to reach out to others, just to be friendly and caring. I moved into the dorms to get out of my Christian bubble, but I feel like God is showing me that the bubble keeping people out isn't around my home: it's around my heart.