stay close

"Love God, all you saints;
God takes care of all who stay close to him.
But he pays back in full those arrogant enough to go it alone."
~The Message

Which?

"His nickname as a young man was 'Thunder Boy,' but in the end he thought of himself simply as 'the one Jesus loved.'" ~The Message, Intro to John.

Am I

Bratty, feisty, forthright, tell-it-how-it-is, Blunt, Loud, Strong, passionate

Or

Loved?

Wholly Yours

Tonight I was sitting down to work and praying. I was telling God that I am confused about how to strive to be holy like Him when I realize that I am going to fail. I can't do it on my own.

It's been a hard week. I feel trapped into the quiet girl thing. I went to my small group last night and barely said anything. I went to my classes and was quiet. I went to spagdin tonight, and couldn't manage to put myself out enough to say goodbye. That's ridiculous. I feel awkward, hard to talk to, and a little unlovable.

I think that God is challenging me to act out belief in different areas. Some of them are areas where I have struggled for a long, long time. I'm trying -- and failing.

That's just the tip of the iceburg. I don't look honestly at myself because it's too gross.

So I was telling Him that: I can't do this, but I feel like You want me to keep trying.

I turned on music and two songs in was what I needed to pray. It was a David Crowder song that I have heard a million times and never listened to. The song was "Wholly Yours."

It gently, and joyfully reminds me of the gospel, that I am nothing, but that God's redemption and grace take nothing and make it His. He is faithful to me.

But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

I haven't had an interaction like this with God for a long time. It's sweet, not only because it's what I needed to hear, but because I feel close to Him, something else that I've been praying for.

Thanks

When I looked up the cost of my books last week, they totalled to over 700 dollars. I was upset.

This week, I made a friend to share materials with, I randomly had someone offer to lend me a book, and I had more professors than ever before say that we didn't need a book, could share, or should buy it online.

Thank You for Your provision and love, God.