Wholly Yours

Tonight I was sitting down to work and praying. I was telling God that I am confused about how to strive to be holy like Him when I realize that I am going to fail. I can't do it on my own.

It's been a hard week. I feel trapped into the quiet girl thing. I went to my small group last night and barely said anything. I went to my classes and was quiet. I went to spagdin tonight, and couldn't manage to put myself out enough to say goodbye. That's ridiculous. I feel awkward, hard to talk to, and a little unlovable.

I think that God is challenging me to act out belief in different areas. Some of them are areas where I have struggled for a long, long time. I'm trying -- and failing.

That's just the tip of the iceburg. I don't look honestly at myself because it's too gross.

So I was telling Him that: I can't do this, but I feel like You want me to keep trying.

I turned on music and two songs in was what I needed to pray. It was a David Crowder song that I have heard a million times and never listened to. The song was "Wholly Yours."

It gently, and joyfully reminds me of the gospel, that I am nothing, but that God's redemption and grace take nothing and make it His. He is faithful to me.

But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

I haven't had an interaction like this with God for a long time. It's sweet, not only because it's what I needed to hear, but because I feel close to Him, something else that I've been praying for.