My name is Empty

Maybe this is perverse, but I want to be like Naomi. Naomi in the Bible. She is an Israelite, one of the chosen people. Maybe she had a happy life, but it soon turns into hell. She has to leave her home country, and her husband and two sons die. The Bible has such happy stories. Not that that's not terrific, but it's not particularly the part I envy. The part I envy is the next part.

Naomi, the bereft and broken, goes home to the people and places of youth. When she gets home she says, "Oh, it's been hard, but I'm so glad to be home. Really I'm coping well, and God is good."

Not really. She actually says, "My name, my identity has meant "blessed," but I don't want to be called that anymore. Let my name be Bitter because God has let life kick me in the gut over and over again."

Maybe it is perverse of me, but I love that. I love that she is so blatant. I love that she doesn't sugarcoat anything or try to hide her soul sickness. Blessed are the poor in spirit.

While I don't think that it's okay to stay in a bad place or to be proud of sin, I do think that most people are too ashamed to be struggling; we're ashamed of being mad at God. Part of that probably comes from a reverence for God, but part of it also probably comes from thinking we're supposed to be perfect without God.

I've been told that God can handle my honesty. I've been told that my identity doesn't come from having everything together. So why am I not more like Naomi?